he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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