No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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