i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
