why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
