Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
