i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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