I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
