I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Holy shit dude........stairs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
