you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
