so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
