U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
