Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
