Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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