He kissed a someone with a penis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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