I love black thongs
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
