Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
