There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
