At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
