What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
