just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
