Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
