Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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