it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
