Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
