Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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