Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
