Whod you bang
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
