Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and she was petting her beer can
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A+ Viking dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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