Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
