Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
