Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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