So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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