Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
