I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
