She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
