i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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