I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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