I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
