I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
