Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
