I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
