so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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