4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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