dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
