I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
