I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
