I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
