I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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