Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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