Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
