I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I looked at my own cervix.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
